Humility: Lovely Roots

Humility. I never really understood it as I was growing up. I had the idea that humility was making yourself as small as possible. This made it exceedingly difficult for me to respond to compliments. Humility seemed to require me to say, "Oh, it's nothing, really. It's probably luck or something..." But politeness seemed to require me to say, "Oh, thank you! That's very kind of you to say." I felt that to accept compliments was the antithesis of humility: it would be agreeing with their assessment of me or my work. I felt that it was my duty to make sure that no compliments stuck to me, as if an accepted compliment was a stain on my robe of humility. After all, pride is a terrible vice.

It did not occur to me until several years later that this is not true humility. In fact, such an attitude is only another kind of pride. Instead of being truly humble, I was placing myself in an elevated position of judgment. For instance, whenever anyone told me I was talented, I'd try to tell them that they were wrong--thinking myself very humble. Instead, what I was doing was this: 1) I was discounting their honest judgments--which is arrogant, especially because I knew they were right; I was trying to convince myself that they were wrong. 2) I was (willfully) misjudging the gifts that God has given me (which those persons had recognized) and diminishing them and calling them worthless--which is extremely arrogant. What right have I to demean the good things God has given me? What right have I to lie to myself?

Self-deceit is not humility. It is Pride. It always is. It makes no difference whether you set yourself up as god or trample yourself into the dust. Self-deception is self-misjudgment and self-misjudgment is judgment which spits in the face of God. It screams, I--I and not You--am the judge of who I am. It is Pride.

I have learned that humility is something very different. True humility is liberating. I remember the relief I felt when I realized that humility is not self-depreciation. I am free, I thought, free to recognize the good in myself. This is precisely what humility is: humility is to see yourself clearly. I am talented. I am intelligent. The humble man recognizes that these are gifts from God. It is not humility to compare oneself with other people. The humble man takes joy in his own being. I take joy in the good things God has given me--joy and not pride. I do not compare myself to others, but rather joy in the good God has given them. When others recognize the good in me, I rejoice in that goodness. I am free to agree with them--not in pride, but in joy.

At the same time, the humble man recognizes his own weakness: he is not blind to his own faults. I do not excuse my own faults while judging others: I am charitable towards others and merciless with myself. Just as it is wrong to recognize the good in myself, it is wrong to excuse my shortcomings--it is wrong to not recognize the sinfulness of my sin. I am not a good person. I don't pretend to be. I have gifts, but I have also given myself griefs. Just as my gifts are worthy of celebration, my sins are worthy only of grief. To pretend that I am good is self-deceit and therefore pride.

At least, that's the goal I strive for. I have a secret for you: I'm not humble. I'm an extremely conceited individual. But I hope that one day I will be humble--that I will joy in my gifts, that I will recognize the sinfulness of my sin, that I will be charitable toward others and only merciless toward myself.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and become obedient to death--even death on a cross!" - Ephesians 2:3-8

Jesus, being perfect, was perfectly humble. He had no sin--no weakness to recognize. He is God incarnate, yet chose to serve. This is the last aspect of humility that I wish to stress: service. Humility, being self-honesty before God and man, is not a devaluing of self but rather a super-valuing (love) of others. Humility is an act of Love.

As I mentioned in my blog post 'Be Good', the good man is good because he loves rightly. If one loves rightly, one will be humble. It is all a matter of love.

As Jesus said, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matt 22)

O God, help me. I have not yet learned to love. Thus, I have not yet learned to live. Nor have I learned to die. But I am learning.