Stop Hating; Start Debating

If there’s one thing no one is allowed to question, it’s that homosexuality is a normal and healthy lifestyle. Challenge this sacred cow and you’re immediately blasted with ad hominem attacks. The way Gay activism got started in the first place was by challenging the status quo. And while many people believe that homosexuals are still unfairly oppressed in the United States, an overlooked consequence of the success of Gay activism is that it is killing our ability and right to argue like civilized people.

For instance, have you noticed that the word “tolerance” is often used to silence debates? If someone says that homosexual behavior is wrong, they are immediately labeled intolerant. Debate over. In this context, what tolerance means at its best is this: we can’t get along if we disagree, so let’s pretend like we don’t disagree, okay? But this is a heartless position. It means that nobody cares what your opinions are, just so long as they don’t make anyone cry. But disagreement is never intolerance and arguments are never hate speech. They are precisely the opposite. Tolerance can only exist where there is disagreement, and an argument is an act of respect. To tolerate rap music means to bear it, to suffer it. It does not mean to enjoy it or to agree with it. To argue with someone is to respect her ideas, because an argument is not a quarrel but an exchange. If an argument isn’t a civil exchange of ideas, it isn’t an argument.

Rather than Tolerance, I suggest a position of Hospitality. Take a genuine interest in other people and their opinions. When people offend you, forgive them. Offer your opinions, but listen to the opinions of others. Be fair. Argue, not just passion, but with compassion.

As a nation, we haven’t done this well, especially not in conversations on homosexuality. Instead, there seems to always be a side which insists that having homosexual desires is a choice, but then refuses to listen to the sincere voices which cry, “We didn’t choose our same-sex attractions.” Likewise, there seems to always be a side which will scream “homophobe!” at anything that moves. Unfortunately, the term “homophobe” is a hateful slur, just like any other. As we all know, and as some of us seem to have forgotten, homophobia is an invented condition (and an ad hominem, at that) yet no one gets in trouble for calling someone a homophobe. Besides, one could argue that if some persons are born gay, then maybe some persons are born homophobic. But that’s ridiculous. An “is” does not imply an “ought.” Plenty of babies are born with life-threatening conditions, and there, at least, we have no moral qualms about fixing what “God made.” What a tragic double standard.

In any case, the debate is far from over. We need to step away from the absurd accusations and hateful language, and talk like civilized people. Giving away chicken sandwiches at a marriage conference is not an act of homophobic bigotry, but those sorts of accusations are exactly what bigotry looks like.

So please, stop hating; start debating.